Journal Excerpt from April 2018.
Self-doubt has crept on me this week. It has been sinking its teeth into me all week and I’ve just felt the sting. I’m typically a positive person and truly feel confident in my therapy work. Yes, there are days when I remember I have so much room to grow and learn. But I also have days when I know my ability to sit with you and be present is exactly what you might need.
I don’t know about you, but my self-doubt appears after a conversation with another human being. They typically are talking about their success and achievements. It’s cool to hear how others in our lives are getting what they want and it’s also hard when it comes back and makes us asks ourselves:
Why do they get to experience this and not me?
I was having a conversation with another therapist and by the end of our conversation, I was feeling awkward, confused, and aware that another feeling was there but I was not sure what it was. I drove home from our meeting and it finally hit me; I was feeling self-doubt about my therapy journey. I was starting to wonder if I jumped into this work before I was ready. I was starting to add up my experiences and compare them to this other therapist. I was feeling self-doubt.
It felt like a wave once I allowed myself to feel it. The tears came on suddenly, the questions of failure popped up, and I felt so inadequate.
How did a simple conversation turn into this? How did I leave feeling bad about myself and my choices? It took another conversation with another therapist for me to realize that I am not a failure.
People have opinions, judgments, and ideas. Their opinions don’t always align with ours. Their judgments are often not welcomed. And their ideas don’t always mean we have to follow them.
We need people in our lives who can help us work out of the self-doubt stage. People who can remind us of our strengths, our goodness, and our abilities. People who uplift and encourage and cheer you on through the failures and success.
Self-doubt is ugly, hurtful, and nasty. It should not be welcomed in our lives. I am so thankful I had a therapist to remind me of who I am and what I can do, but if I didn’t have this conversation with them I would probably be feeling extreme self-doubt. I may have started to make decisions around the self-doubt and not honor what I really want to do.
Who is the person who speaks the truth to you? Who is the person who reminds you of all you have achieved and gives you a high-five each time you add to that list? Who is your person?
If you maybe don’t have this person in your life or need someone else to speak the truth to you, reach out today. I want to be a person who reminds you of your strengths, abilities, and dreams. I want to high-five you when you conquer your fears and achieve your goals. And I want to help you find others who can support you like I can.
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