The other day I was checking out at Nordstrom after seeking an outfit for the 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work Workshop that I was facilitating the next weekend. The cashier asked what I was shopping for and shared about the workshop and she stated,
"My parents are currently in marriage counseling and I think it's incredible. It gives me so much hope for my future to watch them work on their marriage together even though they've been together for decades."
I, of course, instantly got excited and energized hearing this response and seeing the joy this child had for their parent's effort and investment into their marriage. We often say in our sessions with couples that the work they are doing together can also impact their children and families. Whether they take the tools they are learning for one another and apply them to their family or the simple act of modeling healthy relationships--it is a gift to your children and yourself.
Why Nurturing Your Marriage is a Gift to Your Children
Research has shown that the way a couple attaches will be the model of how children attach and learn about relationships. Attachment is formed by 18 months in children and the goal is to develop secure attachment. The reality is we all develop insecure attachments because we are all imperfect people and there is no perfect marriage; however, choosing to work towards secure attachment in your marriage will also help increase the chance and ability for your children to develop secure attachment in their relationship.
Children learn what love feels like and should be like by what their parents model about relationships. Just like they can learn unhealthy relationship dynamics they can also learn healthy. Be the reason your children desire a vulnerable, intimate, safe, and secure relationship; step them up for success in future relationships by investing in your own and being an example.
You know the phrase "Happy Wife, Happy Life?" I like to lean more into the phrase "Happy Marriages=Happy Kids!" Head to Google and see what you can find with this phrase, but similar to talking about attachment above, the more connected, happy, and satisfied a couple is in their marriage will have a ripple effect on their children. You can think back to your own parent's marriage and relationship and most likely identify dynamics and patterns you wanted to duplicate in your marriage and also ones you did not want to duplicate.
Your children are going to do the same thing as they get older. If they see parents who are happy and connected, they are going to want to duplicate that when it comes time for intimate relationships for them. If they see parents who are unhappy and disconnected, they will want to not duplicate that, yet they most likely will because it is what was familiar to them growing up. Their brain will be more anxious or distrusting of what they want to create and will lean towards more of what is familiar because they think it is safer though it is not.
If this is not evidence alone of what a gift it is to your children to work on your marriage, I am not sure what would convince you of that. Your investment in your relationship today has a significant impact on your children in the future as well as their future children. You have immense power and impact, wield it well!
I write about this today because sometimes it's easier to invest in ourselves because of how it impacts our families than investing in ourselves just for ourselves. If that's the case for you, let this impact you and be motivated to work on your relationship. And also remember the investing in yourself for yourself is enough of a reason. You are worth it as much as it is worth it for your partner and your family.
Ready to get started changing your world and your families? Schedule a free 20-minute consultation now by calling 317-902-6359.
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